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HISTORIAS                    Manuel Espejo

Don’t Look Back

 

We started our journey many years ago. They thought that we were crazy, that we would not make it. We had doubts. There was confusion, fear, uncertainty. What was to become of us?

Our situation was desperate. Actually, we did not have many options. Taking risks seemed like the least risky option. Our lives were in danger. We had everything to lose. I felt a great responsibility because the future of many people depended on my leadership. I had not asked for that burden, but everyone had attributed it to me. Perhaps because someone had to assume this fate and I was the least bad for it. I do not know. It does not matter anymore.

There is a time in life where you must make decisions. It always happens. At that time, it did not make a difference where we would get taken. We just knew we had to leave. We felt the scorn and laughter of those who called us chickens and alarmists. I did not know then, but everything in my life was leading me on. We had to move on. We could not let time go by. We had to act. Immediately. I could not feed resentments or bad thoughts. To repent at that time was useless. Decisions had to be made, and these decisions were up to me. It was something I had to do, not only for myself, but for many people.

I had a feeling that approached vertigo. No one ever knew, but sometimes when I was alone, I was on the verge of tears. I told myself that I had to be strong, that I had to overcome my fears, because in the face of certain adversity, only resolution allows survival. But this pain that squeezed my chest sometimes did not let me breathe. At night I could not get to sleep. I saw in my dreams thousands of people screaming and regretting in their last breath of life a wrong decision made by me. I could not be wrong. I had to take my decisions right. There was no margin for error. I felt the road was calling me. I had to be right the first time. One mistake would lead us all to death.

When we finished the spaceship, which we built in orbit around Earth, the engineers said it was the greatest feat of engineering mankind had ever done. We were all proud of our work. It was shaped like a guitar with a city on top of it. At the time we were not sure of the ship habitability. Neither of its propulsion capacity. Until then, small spaceships had been built, but ours was a floating city. We all thought that our ship could fail us, but at the same time we trusted our work and the accuracy of our design.

Since then, many years have passed. Now I am almost an old man. We have reached our destination. We are making our first exploratory approach. Nothing can be more beautiful than what we are contemplating. A new day is breaking in our new world. I finally see the dawn arriving. It's been too long since I felt this way. Today is the day. Now, I can see beyond the road I'm driving. Now I realize that it's a bright horizon before us, and that I'm awakened. I'm on the road I wanted to be. I'm on that road.

Once we have reached our goal, I know that I can be strong. I'll turn around what is holding me down. I will. I see myself in a brand-new way. Our new sun is shining. The clouds we saw from the space are breaking. We cannot lose now. There is no game to play. There is no more time left to criticize. I have seen what I could not recognize. We won. We are far away from Earth. We left behind our limitations and our fears.

Many of those who started this journey are no longer with us. Many new inhabitants of this spaceship have been born during our journey. More than half of those who populate this floating city have not known our planet Earth. They have only seen stars, galaxies, and the deep blackness of space.

One of these young men, who is now one of the co-pilots of the ship, approached me and said softly “you've gotten away with it. Now, the important thing is the future.”

“Don’t look back”.

Don’t Look Back

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